Where do I go from here?


Forgive me if this posting is very self-indulgent but I’m feeling in a very reflective mood of late.Β  My artwork is extremely important to me, not only is it my only way of uniquely expressing myself but it is one hundred per cent my work, not a collaborative product, but mine and mine alone, a direct translation of an idea formed in only my head. When I’ve created something I get a terrific feeling of excitement, satisfaction and personal accomplishment in the knowledge that I’ve created something that is uniquely me, something that previously didn’t exist. If this sounds in any way pretentious then it isn’t intended to be, rather what I’m trying to say is that my art is both my refuge and my passion it is where I feel the most alive and switched on and by far the most exciting, stimulating and satisfying thing that I do.

Right now I stand at a crossroads in my life where my heart is telling me that I should try to pursue a career in the creative arts but my head is telling me “don’t be a fool!, this is financial suicide!, how would you pay the mortgage and buy food etc.?”. I’ve devoted much of my working life to my current profession but maybe the time has come to be bold, throw caution to the wind and jump off of my dreary and emotionally un-rewarding nine-to-five existence and into something that rewards me spiritually as well as financially, something with a sense of real satisfaction and accomplishment, something that provides a genuine feeling of self-worth and a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I remember reading somewhere “the only thing to fear is fear itself” or words to that effect, right now I’m trying to reconcile my fears against my aspirations, Maybe, at the end of the day, following one’s dream is a luxury that only a few can afford then again if one doesn’t follow one’s dreams then what’s the point of having dreams?, they can be cold-comfort for the daily realities of life and even become tormenting.